what is beyond what’s right in front of me
a piece of the story that has come from my past and extends into my future
it feels unproductive at times
and like the most important work at others
to try to pay enough attention to see what is beyond what’s right in front of me
~
the thing is never the thing
this one moment is not simply one isolated moment
but a piece of the story that has come from my past
and extends into my future
~
the more I’ve learned the small decisions, actions, thoughts, beliefs
are actually the most crucial parts of my foundation,
the foundation of my life, of my living
~
the more I’ve wanted to notice them
the more I examine the big things that make up my life
the more I realize they are cumulations of easily missed
attitudes
behaviors
habits
the story I tell myself
~
I am who I think I am
I am who I act like I am
I am the decisions I make over and over and over again
my life is the outpouring of the stories I tell myself on the inside
~
not in some magical thinking kind of way
not in some manifestation beheld kind of way
but in the real way that your thoughts about a moment completely shape the experience and memory of that moment
~
so I’m learning to be more careful
to be more precise
to be more discerning
to notice whose voices and opinions are coloring my world
or shaping my experiences
~
I am attentive to who I let speak into my life or influence my behavior or desires or actions
I am choosing to be awake to the unfolding story on the inside
and course-correcting when that inner story isn’t taking me somewhere good or better
~
the thing is never the thing
my life on the outside of my body is a reflection of the life inside my body
not the circumstances, of course,
but my responses
my living
my story
my decisions
~
I want to live a good story
and I know it starts on the inside